


i might, when this is all over, go dancing

by icebucky



Category: Agent Carter (TV), Captain America (Movies)
Genre: BuckyPeggy - Freeform, F/M, Lots of Angst, M/M, Steve is dead, au where bucky lives and steve dies, bucky and peggy in the ssr and founding shield together, so bucky and peggy become best friends and get married, this is emo ass shit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-28
Updated: 2016-10-01
Packaged: 2018-08-11 12:45:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7892764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icebucky/pseuds/icebucky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“He wasn’t just my best friend,” he slurs one night, the hazy streetlight outside of their room the only thing illuminating their faces.</p><p>“What do you mean?” she replies, her mouth loose and her eyes soft from the wine they’ve both been drinking.</p><p>“I mean,” and he swallows hard. Her eyes follow the working of his jaw and he knows she’s trying her damnedest to predict what he’s going to say next. “I mean. Shit, Peg, I was in love with him. I still am.”</p><p>“I know, James,” she says, reaching up and touching his face softly. “I was in love with him, too.”<br/>---<br/>or an au where Bucky and Peggy end up forming a relationship after Steve falls into the ice</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hi everyone!
> 
> so this is an idea i've been working on for a while. hopefully i'll actually be good at updating this, because we are in it for the long haul! 
> 
> a long story short (about what's happening here):  
> bucky doesn't fall off the train, but steve still crashes the valkyrie into the ice at the end of ca: tfa. bucky and peggy, who were both in love with steve, end up turning to each other to deal with the loss of the man they loved and they end up in a very close, sometimes sexual, relationship. kind of like a best-friends-with-benefits-and-marriage situation. this is the story of how they spent their time after steve and after the war.
> 
> i hope you guys like this!!! thank you so much for taking the time to read <3 if you want more updates about my life (and probably about this fic too) feel free to follow me on twitter (@happymealseb)

Steve's plane crashed two weeks ago, and Bucky still hasn't left his room.

It's understandable, everyone says, and they give him his space and don't interfere when he snaps at everyone who tries to get him to talk. The rest of the Commandos have all stopped by and attempted to work a conversation out of him, but he doesn't speak.

Bucky doesn't think he'll speak again.

He doesn't know what day of the week it is, but it's early, and his eyes are itching because he hasn't slept. The faintest glow from the sun is beginning to peek through the edge of the tiny window, and he's still sitting in the farthest corner from the edge on the bed that he can manage to squeeze into.

He feels like there's something crawling inside his veins and he doesn't understand what it is and all he wants is to stutter out what's wrong with him to  _Steve_ , but Steve isn't here and Bucky doesn't know who he should talk to.

Bucky doesn't want to talk to anyone but Steve.

He remembers standing in the doorway of the air control room while Peggy was on the radio with Steve, her voice breaking as she tried to get him to give her his coordinates, but that noble bastard hadn't listened. Morita had tried to get Bucky to leave the room, to give them some privacy in what could be Steve's last moments, but Bucky had refused. Steve was  _his_ before he was anyone else's, and he'd be damned if he would let that slip out of his fingers.

They lost contact with Steve and Bucky had stepped forward and put his hand on Peggy's shoulder and she had held onto his fingers with a tighter grip than he was expecting, and he didn't let himself cry until he was alone.

He hasn't seen Peggy since.

They'd let him have Steve's room in London when they got back. No one questioned it, Bucky had just shouldered his way past the crowds and into the room and then he had shut the door and shut his mouth.

But what was the worst, what was the absolute  _fucking worst_ part of this whole shit deal was that two weeks before that - they were coming up on a month now - Steve had  _caught_ Bucky and pulled him back onto that train car and they had managed to stop it and capture Zola. It had seemed like such a small victory at the time, and even though Bucky's insides had been thrumming with adrenaline the moment Steve caught his hand and pulled him inside again and he'd almost been so caught up in the moment that he could have kissed him, the moment had passed and they got back to their base and that was that.

A suddenly vivid memory of Steve's face right before he left to get on that plane makes Bucky curse and tug at his hair. It's getting long now, at the length that it's brushing his cheekbones, but he doesn't care.

There's a knock on his door, and he jumps.

For a moment, he thinks he imagined it. No one  _knocks_ in the army, especially not at what has to be 5:30 a.m. on the door of someone who is clearly mourning. No one except -

The knock comes again, more persistent this time, and Bucky lifts his head out of his hands and scoots to the edge of the bed. Before he can tell whoever's on the other side to leave him alone, the door opens, and he hears, "James?"

Bucky frowns and stands, coming over to the door at the same time that Peggy opens it fully and steps inside. "Agent Carter. I wasn't expecting you."

"Clearly," she says, and it would have been a sharp reply, if it weren't for the softness in her eyes and voice. "I was worried about you."

"Were you," he replies. It isn't a question. "Well, I'm alright. Thanks for checking."

"James," Peggy says, this time with more stress on the word and a more chiding tone, "you haven't left the room in two weeks."

Bucky shrugs. "We all deal with loss in a different way. I'm fine."

He just wants her to go. For her to shut the door and walk out with that casual grace of hers and to forget that she even came. Worried about him - does she think for a second he actually believes her? If she was worried about him she would've been by ages ago. It doesn't matter, though, he thinks, shoving his hands in his pockets. He doesn't need Peggy Carter monitoring him.

What he doesn't expect, though, is for her to reply, "I understand. I know how much Steve -" and her voice shakes a little on the word, as though two weeks and her carefully structured demeanor still can't seem to hide the fact that she was in love with him, "- meant to you. He felt the same about you, I'm sure."

"I doubt it," Bucky replies, clenching his jaw and looking out the window. "But I don't care. He was my best friend."

Peggy reaches out and gently touches his shoulder, so soft he's sure she's expecting him to pull away. "I have no place telling you how to live your life, but I think you should come back to work. Having something to do often helps me from letting my own thoughts get to be too much. You should start seeing the world again."

"I don't want to," Bucky says abruptly, and she meets his eyes with alarming intensity. "Moving on means he's really gone."

She squeezes his shoulder suddenly, fiercely, and before he really knows what's happening, she pulls him in for the tightest hug he thinks he's ever been a recipient of and he lets her hold him for the count of  _one, two, three_ deep breaths and before he knows it he's squeezing his eyes shut and he can feel the tears prickling behind his lids and his arms are wrapped around her waist and her chin is hooked into his shoulder and for just a minute it feels like it's going to be alright.

"You're the only one," she whispers, and he opens his eyes. "You're the only one with the same burden I have right now."

Bucky laughs a little then, because it's so ridiculous, so bizarre that he's holding the woman who he was sure was going to be the final barrier between him and Steve, and he doesn't care about any of that right now. He's just glad she cared about Steve almost as much as Bucky still does.

"I'm here for you if you're here for me, alright?" he suggests, pulling back so that they can see each other's faces.

Peggy's eyes are watery but her smile bright as she replies, "That seems fair." A beat later, she asks, "Would you rather me call you Bucky?"

He carefully disentangles himself from her and walks towards the door. "No," he says, hand on the knob, jaw tight. "That part of me fell in the ice when he did."


	2. Chapter 2

**1946**

"Peg."

She turns around and shoves the folder inside her bag, almost too quickly. James notices, she can see his eyes narrowing slightly as he follows her movements.

"Yes?" she asks, and she hates how she's betraying herself with her voice. He almost caught her. She mentally curses herself for not being more careful.

James steps forward, and slowly, deliberately pulls the folder out of her bag without breaking eye contact. "So," he says, opening it and scanning the contents, "looks like you've been working on the investigation without telling me." He hands it back to her and she slides it back inside her bag.

"How was I supposed to tell you?" Peggy replies, and James meets her eyes again, a tiny expression of hurt in his eyes. "You're respected here, to them I'm just a glorified secretary. I  _couldn't_ tell you," she repeats, and James sets the file down.

"You know, I don't know Howard as well as you, Peggy, but I'm not gonna say he isn't my friend. You could've come to me with this." He pauses, then continues. "Do you not trust me or something?"

"No, James, it's not that," she says, and she takes his arm and starts to walk out of the office, pulling him along with her. "It's more of the issue that I had to choose who to tell. I was planning on doing all of this alone."

James stops then, and at this point they're nearing the elevator. "The thing is, you don't have to. You got me. Look, Howard may not really know me, but I'm willing to bet he knows  _of_ me. I want to help. The leads they're following inside aren't going anywhere, I know, but they won't listen to me."

"That's surprising," Peggy replies, lowering her eyebrows in confusion. "They don't take you seriously?"

James shrugs. "Hey, you're Captain America's girlfriend, and I'm Captain America's boyfriend. They don't listen to me because of that."

Something moves in her heart then, something soft and tugging at her insides, and she wants nothing more than to take James home with her and talk with him for hours. They're friends, they have been for two years, but they've never been to each other's homes and there's still that hint of awkwardness about the two of them, like that first moment when they talked in the bar. Peggy has a feeling that James doesn't know how to act around her, because she isn't his girlfriend and she isn't Steve, and honestly she doesn't think he's ever had any other close relationships that weren't one of those two options.

"Well, they're ridiculous," she says instead, holding James' arm tighter and beginning to walk again. Out of the corner of her eye, she sees his grin -starting to appear again, the left corner of his mouth tugging upwards more so than the right. "You're one of the smartest men I know. They should be on their knees begging for your expertise."

"Okay, that's a lie, but it's the thought that counts. Thank you, Peggy."

"It isn't a lie," she says, and he turns his head to look at her a little more, and it looks like she's going to elaborate, but then a door they're passing opens and her heart sinks.

"Barnes, Carter," she hears Thompson say, and she can see James tighten his jaw before turning around to face their superior. "Sneaking off in the middle of the day, huh?"

"You know, Thompson," James says, and Peggy can hear the carefully disguised tension in his voice, his arm still laced through hers, "it isn't any of your business, but if you  _really_ wanted to know, we're off to have lunch with Howard Stark."

"Surely you've heard of lunch, Thompson, you seem to take quite a long one daily," Peggy says smoothly. "Shall we go, James?"

There's a bare moment of silence, where Thompson narrows his eyes at them, trying to figure out if they're joking or not, before James smirks and turns away, bouncing a little.

"Yeah, of course. See you later, Jack," James says, and begins to walk away, Peggy following him a few steps behind. "We might be a little late coming back to the office, we're seeing our man Steve Rogers for a little mid-afternoon fun." He winks and presses the elevator button.

"What?" Thompson actually steps forward at that, and the look of confusion on his face is something that Peggy wants to keep in her memories to laugh at later.

They leave him standing there, stepping into the now open elevator and laughing at the look on Thompson's face. The doors slide shut and Peggy looks up at James, the corner of her mouth curving upwards. "Thank you," she says softly, and his eyebrows drop a little in confusion.

"For what?"

"For offering to help. For making me laugh. For being rude to Thompson. You're always here for me, thank you, James."

James reaches over with his other hand and squeezes hers, the one that is holding onto his arm. "I'm always here for you, Peg." He pauses, then elaborates, "Hey, I don't want you to think it's just because of Steve, either. We're a team now."

"Thank you, James," she repeats quickly, and looks straight forward so he can't see the emotion beginning to well in her eyes.

He clears his throat and after another short pause, adds, "You know, I, uh, I used to say something to Steve, when we were younger, and I don't know, I just thought that it's something that kinda works for us now, too." He looks at her, squeezing her hand tighter. "I'm with you 'til the end of the line, Peg. You and me, we're gonna help each other. And not just at work. With everything."

The elevator reaches the bottom floor, and as the doors open, Peggy manages, "I know we wouldn't be like this if we hadn't lost Steve, but James... I'm glad I have you."

"I know," he says, and they're silent for a moment before he starts to walk again. "C'mon, let's go see Angie, I'm sure she's having a terrible fuckin' day and needs us to distract her."


End file.
